Food baby: story of my Thai life

Warning: super long post ahead. Proceed if you so wish, but don’t be mad at me later for being so detail-oriented!

I hope you have already made your way to facebook to check out my pictures! They might make more sense when you read this post J

Thursday, January 19^th

Today was rough. I think I got up on the wrong side of the bed, although it’s the same one I have been getting up on for the past two weeks. Thai class was stressful in every possible way. My classmates and teacher took about 15 minutes to explain one word to me. There is no literal translation for it, so I just understood where it belonged in a sentence but couldn’t grasp what it meant. After about 6 minutes, my brain closed off and all the words being said to me simply made me more frustrated—at everyone else for actually understanding it, and at myself for being so inept. For a little while after that, I refused to participate in class because I was just so upset. Yeah, I understand that it was wrong. And there’s no excuse.

During our 15-minute break, I went outside and sat by myself under the sun. It felt so good. Then someone else joined me, having a frustrating day, too. It’s funny how, when I really need to be alone to recharge my batteries, I don’t get to…and when all I want is someone to sit by me, I end up alone. I shall, in the future, use these as learning moments. Learning to be with people despite my low energy level; learning to be alone despite my desire for company.

Then came the second half of Thai class. I still felt underprepared and behind. I would be proven right just minutes later. Ajaan Wilasanee gave us a worksheet, all in Thai. One side had five separate pictures and the other five different boxes with sentences in them. We were to read the boxes on the right and match them accordingly to the pictures on the left. We were given ten minutes. By the time everyone else had finished, I was still on box number two. I read so slowly in Thai! I was right; I am behind in my class. This, although it wasn’t a surprise, was very upsetting. The rest of my classmates read out-loud together while I tried to read with them. After two boxes, I gave up. My level of frustration was at an all-time high. I was told that being bilingual would work to my advantage when learning Thai. Right now, I feel like it doesn’t make a difference.

Lunch was a little better. After eating, I quickly went to sit under the sun again and, little by little, I found myself surrounded by over half of the group. I hadn’t shared anything about the previous four hours with anyone, so they didn’t know that coming to sit by me was disturbing my alone time. Having them all around me, though, turned out to be exactly what I needed. Talking and laughing with everyone was helpful, and I found myself to be less frustrated.

It was suddenly time for Foundations—time flies when you’re having fun, or so they say. The whole class period was spent discussing cultural things: impressions, observations, dramatizations of key cultural clashes, and questions and answers about host family situations. It wasn’t a bad class period, it just felt like it dragged on for a while.

Then came CrossFit. Just the thought of that made me tired. We did a crazy 500m run as part of our warm-up. We were divided in two groups of eight, had a 16 lbs. weight-ball per group, and were instructed to run the 500m passing the ball backward in the line. This was funny, but not fun. After another laid-back warm-up, we began rowing. Each person rowed around 1000m in intervals of 200. This was actually fun—my favorite workout thus far. Today was the first day that I felt good after working out!

While waiting for Dee so we could leave, I decided to review Thai. I quizzed myself on some letters, and barely got any right. That was quite upsetting and it just brought me right back to where I had been in the morning. Bad move, I know. We ended up taking the taxi with other students, which usually would be nice. Today, I just couldn’t handle it. When I’m frustrated, I remove myself from any situation which might cause me to be a brat to anyone else. I couldn’t do that in the taxi, so I just pulled my book out and read while everyone else chatted it up—I felt bad, but good that I wasn’t hurting anyone by being a brat. Once we got to the market, everyone wanted to hang out for a while. I took this opportunity to dash and have a quiet taxi ride by myself.

So I found a taxi and left the market. As we were leaving the city, more and more people kept piling up into the taxi—it was crazy! In the middle of the two benches on each side of the car, there’s usually a little stool or chair for kids to sit at when needed. There was a tiny blue chair in this one. A lady and her daughter got into the car, making it 20 people riding at the same time. The lady sat on her daughter’s lap as everyone crammed together into the bench. If that lady had been my mom, I would have wanted someone to give her their seat; so I gave her mine and moved to the little kiddie chair. She smiled so widely at me, that I felt undeserving of such gratitude. So, there I was, the only farong in the taxi, sitting in the kiddie chair listening to angry music and reading “The spirit catches you and you fall down,” crammed to the max between people, and still frustrated. Then I saw what a chance this was. I took my headphones out, closed my book away, and allowed myself to just sit there and listen. There were so many conversations going on at once, that I began to love the noise and the sounds and just being surrounded by so many people. I could only understand a few words out of the hundreds being spoken, but I felt good anyway.

            A few people got out of the taxi, and I was able to move to the bench again—I was so glad; that kiddie chair was uncomfortable. This was short lived. Less than five minutes later, an older lady got in, and everyone pointed her in the direction of the kiddie chair. The same feeling I got the first time overcame me and I quickly moved back to the blue chair to give her my spot. She went past the spot I had left open, put her hand on my knee, and said “Thank you…so much” in practically perfect English. At that point in the ride, I felt like everyone on the taxi had my back. Everyone was smiling at me. I was, about 15 minutes later, able to move back onto the bench; everyone made room for me and kept smiling. What a ride! I was being loved by strangers!

            I made it to the entrance of my village without consequence. I was listening to a song that made me miss home, and after holding the tears in for the whole day for the sake of others, they finally came rushing down. There went the farong, listening to music and crying through the streets of Luang Tai. I’m the reason Thai people think farongs are crazy. I made it to a point that Dee and I always stop at to watch the sunrise over the rice fields. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn’t help but do it anyway. I was not wearing my uniform to begin with, which automatically makes me a farong and not a student; I was wearing Chacos; I was listening to my ipod—I was being the perfect target. I knew this. I knew I shouldn’t be putting myself in more danger than I already was. But I didn’t care. In fact, I liked feeling dangerous!

            I stopped at the rice fields and started walking to the edge of them. Like I said, I was wearing sandals; it was dark, I didn’t know where I was stepping, and I knew I shouldn’t have. But I was playing a dangerous game, I was winning, and I wasn’t about to quit. So I kept walking until I got to the edge of the fields. At this point, if you must know, I was crying like a baby and could barely see. I walked over to the edge, barely being careful yet daring, half expecting a snake to wake up from below the leaves and half planning what I would do if that happened. I sat by the edge and let the tears flow without taking my headphones out. I sat there in the dark and looked at the sky and the rice fields for about 20 minutes.

By the time I finally made it home, I was about an hour later than usual, and my eyes were puffy and my nose was red and runny. Mae Nhi saw me and asked me “Are you happy?” I couldn’t decide if I was upset that she would ask me such a thing, or if I was glad that she had noticed I had been crying. I said “nit noy,” which means “a little bit.” She asked me if Danielle had walked with me, and I explained that she had stayed at the market with some friends. At this point, I didn’t know what she would read my response as, so I just let it be and told her I was okay. She came over and held me tight. “You beautiful. You strong,” where the words Mae Nhi said next. Thais are not touchy people; in fact, displays of affection, although not entirely uncommon, are considered very intimate. Yet somehow Mae Nhi did and said exactly what I needed. “You’re a good mom,” I said. “You a good daughter,” she responded. She sent me to shower before dinner, and I gladly did.

Dinner went by just like other days, with me being a clown for them, asking what things were, and telling them what I had learned (although, in this case, not learned) today. I went to Dee’s house after dinner, only to find that Dee had been worried about me because she heard I had been crying. It turns out that Mae Nhi had alerted Mae Noi that Dee and I had probably had a fight and that’s why I was crying. After I explained to Dee what happened, and after Nong Viu (Dee’s sister) explained to Mae Noi, Mae Nhi picked me up from Dee’s house and, upon seeing me, asked “You Dee happy now?” I couldn’t help but laugh. Because explaining was useless, I smiled and said yes.

After thinking about it for a few hours, here’s what I have come up with. Thai class constantly brings me back to that feeling of being lost and utterly confused during my first few months of high school. I felt so behind then, so constricted, so tired all the time, so frustrated, and at the same time so unwilling to give up. I feel the same in Thai class. All these things pull me in different directions, and allowing myself to go in the wrong direction is so much easier. But, well, I know that if I don’t learn Thai, this whole semester would be a complete drag, which I’m not willing to let happen.

Friday through Sunday, January 20^th through 22^nd

            I woke up in a better mood today, since I knew that our retreat began instead of Thai class! My parents took Dee and I to Silas’ house, whose mom would be giving us a ride to school later. Hanging out at Silas’ was pretty cool. He has two brothers, Nong Trunk and Nong Nin, who are four and nine respectively. While we waited for Silas to get ready, we hung out with them. Trunk is a little earthquake, and Dee loved playing with him. Nin, on the other hand, is much calmer and quieter. Trunk showed us some sweet dance moves while Nin sang along to his songs. It was a fun morning and a good way to start the weekend—a much needed fresh start for me. Silas’ mom gave Dee and I a hand-made elephant keychain, which is now hanging from my backpack. It is so cute. (People in Thailand give gifts to their visitors so that, when the visitor leaves and whenever he or she sees the gift, he or she remembers who it comes from—clever).

            We got to school and were soon off to our retreat. But not before we did our swim test. I had been dreading this all along. We were to swim 300 meters and then thread water for 15 minutes. What a drag. We could only have two people at a time in the lake (because we only had two kayaks with lifeguards), so most of us were out of the water for most of the time. Waiting for our turn to swim was cool—hanging out with people on the beach, listening to Tanner play the guitar, and chatting it up with everyone. Then came my turn to swim; I was so scared! The halfway point looked so far (we swam 150 meters, then back, and then threaded water) that I was sure I wasn’t going to make it. And well, why lie, it was a struggle. It was the hardest thing I’ve done here, and the only one where I felt I really wasn’t going to make it. First of all, I can’t swim in a straight line, which means I had to reroute myself more than ten times during the whole thing. Second of all, although I can swim, I can’t swim for that long. More than once, all I wanted was a break, and then I was sure I could keep going. Third of all, I swallowed water like crazy…which means for the way back I was burping lake water—yum. Fourth of all, I have weak arms; so although my legs can kick for a while, my arms have never gotten this much exercise. I swam a lot on my back (keep in mind I can’t swim in a straight line) and eventually made it to our threading water area. I have never threaded water before. In fact, I didn’t even know what threading water meant until I got to that little area. Nicole, one of the girls on the trip, told me what to do…and I did it, but it was hard. I was out of breath when I got there, but simply floating isn’t threading water, so I didn’t have a chance to catch my breath. So there I was, bringing my arms “out…and…in…” and kicking my legs “like scissors” for 15 minutes. I thought I was going to drown. But I didn’t (clearly).

            Then the worst part of this trip was done and I was able to enjoy lunch with everyone else. We were served in small tables for four under this huge hut. Each table had three dishes and a soup. I was told I had a specific table to sit at because of my food allergy. At my table, there were the two other students who have food allergies: Josh, who is allergic to soy, and Cristin, who is allergic to lots of things that I can’t remember. Because many meals are made with soy and fish oil, Josh, Cristin, and I had our meals made separately and carefully. And because, combined, we are allergic to pretty much anything Thai people use for cooking, our food was made with just salt. That’s when our food-allergy adventure began.

            After lunch we left to go to our retreat site. Arriving there, I felt like the perfect break had just begun. We walked toward our “campsite” (although I will be referring to this weekend as “camping,” it wasn’t even close to that) and were all in awe of our surroundings. On one side of the creek we had our sala, which we used for our meetings and sessions on safety and for our meals (basically, whenever we all came together), in front of it we had our fire pit, which was huge. On the other side of the creek we had our cabins. They were simply a big open area with a bunch of beds next to each other (and lots of windows, which is always a plus). Although they weren’t comfortable at all, I was glad to have beds all next to each other—aided in the bonding process.

            Once we settled in, we had a little pow-wow and then were set free for a few hours. A bunch of us decided to go check out the waterfall. I was in awe since I saw it from far away. What a work of art! It is just so incredible to be standing there so close to something so powerful and so beautiful. We all made our way to see it more closely, and then, all simultaneously noticed Jean, a girl in our trip, already splashing and dancing and loving the waterfall. This, no lie, was one of the most memorable moments of the weekend. To see someone so free and so happily enjoying creation for what it is was truly inspiring. It made me so happy to see Jean happy. I have no words for what I saw, but it filled me with joy.

            We returned to camp to have another little meeting, then were given free time while the Pis made us dinner. There was a soccer ball, a bunch of badminton rackets, a slack line, a hacky sack, and everyone ran out to the field to play. It, once again, made me really happy to see our whole group enjoying themselves so much. You’ll probably think this is weird, but it doesn’t matter because you weren’t there: I sat on the bridge and took videos and pictures of everyone playing games—and this, oddly enough, filled me with so much joy that whether I was involved in the games or not didn’t matter; all that mattered was that everyone was happy.

            We had a delicious meal for dinner—again, Josh, Cristin, and my meal was made only with salt—and it was a good time to talk with some people. This meal was when I noticed how much care the Pis were putting into making our food. They had to cook for over 20 people, but they didn’t mind making some food separately so Josh, Cristin, and I wouldn’t get sick from it. They watched over us so well, and I was so thankful to have them around. We had a campfire after dinner, where we played a beautiful song game (where someone says a word and each team has to come up with as many songs as possible with that word in it). We were immersed in our game when all of a sudden, there’s all this commotion around the fire and everyone and pointing at the sky. I looked up and saw the longest-lasting and longest-tail “shooting star” I have ever seen! It was so so so beautiful! It flew across the whole sky, and we all got to see it, and it lasted so long. The tail was so bright and so long. I didn’t think it was real. We watched it move across the sky until it disappear behind the trees. When will I ever experience that again?! I really am not doing it justice by writing about it—I wish I could. Everyone was in awe, and this is now one of the most memorable parts of our trip.

            When everyone went to bed, I went and laid on the hammock outside our cabin and looked up at the stars and thought about creation and its beauty and how blessed I am to be here with all these beautiful people. Jonah joined me for a while and we talked while looking up at the stars. Nicole and Dee were still up, it turns out, so they joined me after Jonah left and together we waited until midnight: Dee’s 21^st birthday! J We pretty much booked it to bed right after because we were all so tired.

            After breakfast the next morning, we talked about safety for a while. Then we did a questionnaire to figure out our different personalities (or part of them, anyway) and were then divided into whatever group we fell into. Four groups where formed: drivers, analytical, expressive, and amiable. We were asked to put on two skits of “the good and the bad” of our respective personalities. There is no point in explaining the skit for my group (I am amiable, in case you had any doubt), but I am just going to go ahead and say that we were really funny and made everyone laugh.

            We had lunch and were set free until dinner again. Some of us went to the waterfall again. But being there again was not enough. Dee, the incredibly spontaneous free spirit, decided that she wanted to make it to the top. Well, how could I say no when I wanted the same thing as well?  So a bunch of us made the hike to the top. It took about 20 minutes, and it was so steep all the way there. But it was so worth it. Watching the water fall from the top and seeing things from so high up was such a beautiful experience. Again, watching everyone enjoy it so much was just as beautiful for me. We hung out there for a while, enjoying the sunshine and each other.

            After going to the waterfall, I was so tired that I needed a nap. Laura was on the same boat, so we took a nap together. So comfy J When we woke up, I still had free time, so I took advantage of the rest of the time to take a walk and spend some time by myself. Although I love to be surrounded by everyone, this was much needed and so wonderful. I read, wrote on my journal, listened to the birds chirping, the air blowing, the bugs buzz, and people talk and play. For a long time I just allowed myself to float in all the beauty and just be. What a refreshing experience.

            It suddenly was dinner time and we were all once again gathered for a meal. After dinner we had our fire again, and it was yet again a wonderful time. I talked with Emily, Nicole, Heidi, and Laura about so many things—we got to know each other really well. As I sat there, I watched around the fire and everyone was involved in a conversation. Breanna, Hannah, Josh, and Nicole sat over one side of the fire involved in what seemed like a very laid-back conversation. Tanner and Silas next to us talking music. Hanna, Jonah, and Dee sharing stories. Dean and Jean having a serious conversation next to everyone else. It made me smile so bright to see everyone talking and getting to know each other.

            There was no shooting star this night, but that’s okay. We headed to bed, but I headed for the hammock again. Nothing like some peace and quiet time before more peace and quiet time.

            As I sit here and write this, I realize that I’ve messed up on the chronology of the events of the weekend. Something happened that I am not quite certain when it happened—this whole weekend blends together for me. So, since I am lazy and don’t feel like rewriting anything, I’m going to politely ask you to forget the chronology of the events I have told you about this weekend and continue reading. Yeah, I would be super upset if I were you.

We learned to build a stretcher from materials that would be normally available to us during an expedition out in the field in case anyone got injured. We divided into two groups and made our own. My group’s stretcher worked so well at the first try—we were quite proud of it. Side note: for the whole weekend, groups of two to four people were given “leadership positions” to practice for our field expeditions, where we will be given individual leadership days in which we are in control of important decisions regarding the group and plans. Sunday was my day to lead with Hannah and Cristin—who was actually sick that day, so she didn’t go on this hike that I will tell you about. Hannah was in charge of a group and I was in charge of another (we split into two different groups again). My group made it about a quarter of a mile up a tricky trail when Dee’s appendix burst—don’t worry, it wasn’t real! Dee had been approached by Pi Jonas and told that her appendix would burst at a certain point during the hike. It was the way that our group got to practice making a stretcher on our own and to deal with an emergency. Dee fell to the ground and screamed in pain and everyone froze for about one second then quickly recovered and turned on their emergency mode—no one knew Dee would fake a burst appendix, so she caught us all by surprise. When something like this happens, we were told that someone had to stay with the injured person at all times. Because I was right behind Dee when it happened, I was the one who stayed with her while everyone built the stretcher. Eventually we carried Dee down the trail (which was super difficult) and across the stream (they wanted us to go all out, so we couldn’t use the bridge) to a safe place. This whole exercise was very helpful, but I hope we never have to deal with something like this while we are out on an expedition (or at all this semester!).

We also went on an “academic hike” around the campground, which was really interesting because we learned about lots of different plants. It was really impressive to me to hear the guides talk about each plant as having its own medicinal use—who needs pills when you can have traditional medicine?!

We returned to ISDSI on Sunday to be picked up by Dee’s parents. I got home at six and was supposed to go to dinner at Dee’s for her birthday at seven. However, Mae Nhi wanted me to shower and wash all the clothes I had brought home from the weekend. It was a lot, by the way. So, there I sat, wet from my shower, outside, surrounded by too many mosquitos to kill any of them, washing my clothes. It took me about 45 minutes, and eventually I made to Dee’s to celebrate with her family. It was so beautiful to see Dee’s family making her a celebratory dinner, bringing her gifts and cake, and singing a beautiful rendition of “Happy Birthday” to her. They love her so much and I was just happy to witness it all J What a night!

Monday through Thursday, January 23^rd through 26^th

            I have mushed this week together because, most times, as you will remember from above, it is hard to know what happened when. This week was pretty uneventful, but here are the things that I can remember.

            Thai class has been alright. I feel like I learn while I am in class, but once I get home I get so nervous that I blank out. This is what happens during exams, but someone I tend to do well. Maybe it will be the same with Thai: I will learn eventually. Mae Nhi continues to be excited whenever I get a whole sentence out, which gives me lots of hope. I have been studying a whole lot more after school, too, even if I’m tired. I feel like I’m learning, I just get nervous when it comes to actually having to speak to people.

            In Foundations, this week we learned a little about Thai people and media, Buddhism in Thailand, and Lanna and Chiang Mai history. On Tuesday, we went to Wat Fai Hin (wat = temple) and talked to a monk who shared his ideas on Buddhism and how he connects it to physics. I am definitely not smart enough to relay all the information to you about it, but I will say that it was really interesting. We were given a book that he wrote about karma, which I will be reading soon. Maybe then I’ll be more able to share what I learned J

            On Wednesday we took a trip to the Lanna and Chiang Mai history museum, which was really interesting. The Lanna are an ethnic group in Thailand and some of the first settlers of Chiang Mai. We learned about the beginning of Chiang Mai, how the people picked the place, and part of the culture. It was really interesting. As usual in museums, there is too much to learn, so it was overwhelming. But I’m planning on returning to the museum to read more in detail certain things that were too much for the time we had. Close to the end of our museum experience, we found a room with a lady weaving—this was where we spent the largest amount of time. We watched her for a while, and she gladly taught us how to weave on the machine (or structure, more like) next to hers. She was making such a beautifully intricate design! I spent a lot of time in that room watching everyone learn and enjoy themselves. I especially enjoyed watching Jean try over and over to get the making of thread right. She was so determined—I definitely learned from her that day!

            On Thursday, nothing super exciting happened in school. The best of the week happened after school. I had arranged to meet my friend Bo at the mall after school. Bo was an exchange student from Thailand in my school in Guatemala when I was 14, and I hadn’t seen her since then—almost eight years! (Bo lives in Bangkok and flew to Chiang Mai just to see me!) Seeing her again was so surreal! We saw each other and ran and hugged each other so tightly and I even cried a little. It was so beautiful. We talked about anything and everything, especially how much in common there is with her experience in Guatemala and my experience here in Thailand. We talked in Thai “nit noy” (a little bit), in Spanish nit noy, too, and in
English the most. I really enjoyed speaking Spanish in Thailand (who would have thought that wouldh happen, right?!). Needless to say, my time with her was too short. I had to be home at a decent time—Thai parents worry a lot! After promising myself I’d see Bo again while I’m in Thailand, I made my way home.

           

Friday, January 27^th

            Our ISDSI group took a trip to the Mae Tha community (south of Chiang Mai) to learn about sustainable farms there. We were divided into two groups and went to two different family farms to learn from them and help them with some of the work that needed to be done. My group went to a farm whose workers consisted of Mae, Paw, and their son, Pi An. For three people, the farm was huge. They showed us around the farm, telling us the name of vegetables in Thai (while we guessed some that we hadn’t learned yet).

            We got to ask lots of questions and learn about their daily work, rewards, and struggles. It was so beautiful to just be there with them and learn from them.

            After talking for a while, we got to work: weeding the chives beds. The group talked with each other while we worked under the sun. I might have gotten some of my color back! Once we finished our work, we helped to make lunch and had a delicious meal.

            After lunch we made our way to another farm, where a seed bank was located. We learned from Pi Pui about the seed bank, where the idea came from, and the rewards and struggles that came with living sustainably. Pi Pui, before starting the seed bank, was in college but felt called to live sustainably, so she returned to the Mae Tha community to continue farming. She was really an inspiration to be around. She showed us her garden, which contained about anything you’d need so you don’t have to buy from anywhere else—you can grow anything anywhere if you try!

            When we returned to ISDSI, Dee’s parents picked us up and took us to dinner at a market. Again, Thai people overfed us, which has come to be of no surprise by now (but still really hard)!

Saturday, January 28^th

            I woke up at five forty-five a.m. to take a trip with Mae and Paw. After breakfast, we took off to the Maesa elephant camp. Paw waited outside of the camp because he had already been there four times with other exchange students (so had Mae Nhi, but still she went with me!). We made it there just in time for the eight a.m show.

While waiting for the show to start, a woman shorter than myself walked by me and said “I am so excited to see this, I hear it’s a beautiful thing!” I had to respond, obviously. She had an accent in English, so I kind of figured she was Thai. Shortly after we had begun talking, she said, “I’m so glad you speak English! Everyone keeps thinking I speak Thai and talking to me really fast and I don’t know anything!” I asked her where she was from. She said Venezuela! I immediately responded in Spanish and that sparked a whole new conversation about where I was from and what the heck I am doing in Thailand, so far from home. She was surprised my mom would let me come this far—you know, those Latino families! The show started and we continued talking while watching and commenting on how impressive elephants are. She told me she was there with her friend, who she was visiting for a little bit.

Eventually she asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I said no (not a lie, in case you were all wondering). After talking a little bit about that, I asked her if she was married (she’s in her early 40s, I believe). She hesitated for a second, and then said, “my husband and my daughter were killed in a car accident two years ago.” My heart sunk and all I could say was, “I am so sorry.” So sorry that I asked. So sorry that this happened to her. So sorry that “I am so sorry” was all I could say. So sorry that things like this happen. So sorry that she was hurting. How do you respond when someone says “I am so sorry”? “Thank you” was her response. I was hurting for her and wished there was something I should do. I thought she wouldn’t want to talk to a 21-year-old about something so deep, but she did. The rest of her story isn’t mine to share, but the reason I am writing about this is because it really impacted me.

It never ceases to amaze me that, wherever I go, wherever I am, I can help anyone by simply listening; that having a friendly face might sometimes give someone the chance to unload a little bit of the baggage they carry; that allowing others’ pain to be mine doesn’t hurt me nearly as much as it hurts them; that carrying someone’s burdens is part of life and therefore inevitable; that taking the time to reply to little comments might lead to incredible, life-changing conversations; and that my purpose in this life is not to live for myself, but for others.

My life had been changed and it was only eight thirty in the morning.

For the actual elephant show, my pictures on facebook would probably be more informative. Watching the elephants was a beautiful thing, although I don’t remember much of it because I was talking to my new friend for most of the show. Watching her enjoy herself when the elephants came to hug her was my little hint of hope: hope that although life is tough, smiling is possible; and although complete healing might be impossible, enjoying little things helps.

After the elephant show, we met up with Paw outside. We stared to drive away and I asked “Where are we going?” I should know by now not to ask anymore, because this is what they always respond and what they responded this time: “pae-tiao,” which means “to go out for fun” (or something along those lines). This, as usual, told me nothing. Well, if anything, this semester I’m learning to not know everything and be okay with it.

Eventually we made it to Queen Sikirit Botanical Garden. What a beautiful place that was! My words would not do justice to everything I saw, so I am going to let my pictures on facebok speak for themselves. Paw had his camera with him, which means that he now has lots of awkward pictures of me posing in front or next to very beautiful flowers. Every flower that he liked (which happened to be lots of them), he said my name and signaled for me to stand by it for a picture. Mae Nhi, on the other hand, was the one who wanted to get her picture taken. Whenever she found a beautiful flower or a good place to pose, she said my name and looked at me expectantly. I had no choice but to point my camera at her and capture her own beauty. Seriously, she is just the best. She’s so beautiful and so funny! I loved having my own personal model for pictures J.

Being surrounded by beautiful flowers everywhere, I couldn’t help but think of Mamita Vila and my mom and their love for flowers and plants—every picture was taken thinking of both of them.

Needless to say, Mae and Paw spoiled me on Saturday. Being an only child is so tough ;)

Once I came back home, I did my laundry and went to Dee’s for a couple of hours. We talked about our day and such. Every day I am more and more thankful to have Dee so close—I seriously don’t know what I’d do without her!

Sunday, January 29^th

            Dee and I were both granted a “free day” to go into the city by ourselves. We left our house at nine thirty and made our way to the Thapae Gate area, which is quite touristy but full of really neat places to spend time in. after walking on a very tiny street for a while, we saw a place and immediately fell in love with it. It was a tiny inn with tables outside under beautiful trees and a little hut with comfy couches, which was surrounded by water. We knew we had to go in, so we did. This turned out to be a great choice. We ordered some coffee, made ourselves at home, and read and wrote in one of the most peaceful places I’ve been to. It was so freeing to be with just Dee outside of our village, outside of school, outside of any sort of commitment. Although being in school and with our families is awesome, we both needed a break from both.

            We ate a delicious breakfast-almost-lunch and caught up on the things that we don’t have much time to do regularly. After many hours of relaxation at this beautiful place, we felt that it was time to walk around and explore. There were three things we wanted to do next: visit a beautiful bookstore, get a Thai massage, and get a smoothie, all three of which we had seen on our way to the inn earlier that morning. It was about three p.m. when we left the inn, so we made our way to the bookstore first—actually, we had no plan, we just let our hearts lead! We spent a good amount of time looking for used books and, yes, we bought some. As many of you know, I love bookstores…so this was a beautiful experience for me. Dee loves bookstores, too, so going to a bookstore together means we will lose track of time searching for all kinds of books. That’s what happened today.

            When we had both found what we wanted, we walked around again and our hearts lead us to a Thai massage place. We went in, changed our clothes to very silly-looking ones, and were given a massage for an hour—only three dollars, by the way. For those of you who don’t know, a Thai massage is a full-body massage, which, considering everything we’re doing, was very relaxing. Dee and I both had been incredibly sore from CrossFit and tense from all the stress, so the Thai massage was a beautiful thing that happened at the right time. By the time the massage was over, my legs weren’t in constant pain (walking suddenly didn’t hurt), the knots on my back were gone (carrying my backpack wasn’t a pain anymore), and my right shoulder was healed (it had been hurting since I got here, probably from slightly dislocating it this summer). Needless to say, I felt like new afterward.

            After getting a delicious smoothie from a street vendor, we took a saewng-tao to Cad Luang and then another one home. I was so happy to have spent the whole day relaxing with Dee—she’s seriously great company, in case you can’t tell by how much I write about her.

            I had dinner with Mae and Paw, which is always enjoyable even when they made me eat a ton of food that I don’t want in my stomach. As is customary by now, I asked them what it was called in English when your belly expands so much after eating. Tonight, though, I put an interesting spin on it: the first one of them to say “food baby” earned him or herself 20 points. Tonight it was Paw. We’ll see if Mae can catch up tomorrow J.

            Well, that was quite a bit to write. I have been working on this a little bit every day. I’m sorry that I can’t give you short updates every once in a while but instead give you huge ones every eight days or so—also, sorry that it’s been longer this time. I am typing this on a word document and, just in case you were wondering, this is the ninth page. I hope you read everything. There will be quizzes when I return in May.

            As always, my love is being sent through the universe…all the way from Chiang Mai to wherever you are. Thank you for reading and for your prayers—please keep them up!